Trying to regain my balance…
August 31, 2008
Posted by: B
I’m currently in Europe going through a month-long training program. Before I left for my first job in the “real world,” I felt incredibly free and balanced. My life was settled down (or so I had believed), the bf and I live together – and I had a great schedule with my then job & my life. Now everything has been turned upside down. I’m in an industry that demands incredibly long hours, and has a steep learning curve. The more I earn, the less I seem to care about money. It’s just so upsetting to think that I’ve earned the pinnacle of everything we were taught to want, and now I find myself wishing to give it all away. A “great” job with a big paycheck and even bigger growth opportunities cannot hug you at night, or spoon you during movies, or ride bikes with you late into the night. It’s pretty pathetic to think that so many of my peers are lining up their resumes for a job like mine, when all I want to do is tell them to save themselves before they get caught in this mess.
When did it become acceptable to sign away your life in the face of a prestigious career? All of us here chose this job for the money and the endless opportunities here to make more money. In our parents eyes, we have “done right.” We left good schools and got good jobs to help set up our life. But I can’t help thinking about the sacrifices we all intend to make for this “great opportunity.” As I pass each stage in my life, I can’t help but think how little I’ve chosen for myself. These good schools & good jobs are supposed to help you, but all I can think about is how it has hurt my ability to find myself and experience life outside of the demands of the office or classroom. For me, money no longer has the same sway as a fresh off-the-vine tomato, or a kiss stolen between lovers. Instead, money now represents freedom – the ability to have a life without a pressure-cooker environment. More importantly, it represents the freedom for me to have a life where I am in the driver’s seat. Until then, I am here – reminding myself that it has an end. I just have to save and sacrifice for it now. This is what keeps me going until then.