Trying to regain my balance…

August 31, 2008

Posted by: B

I’m currently in Europe going through a month-long training program. Before I left for my first job in the “real world,” I felt incredibly free and balanced. My life was settled down (or so I had believed), the bf and I live together – and I had a great schedule with my then job & my life. Now everything has been turned upside down. I’m in an industry that demands incredibly long hours, and has a steep learning curve. The more I earn, the less I seem to care about money. It’s just so upsetting to think that I’ve earned the pinnacle of everything we were taught to want, and now I find myself wishing to give it all away. A “great” job with a big paycheck and even bigger growth opportunities cannot hug you at night, or spoon you during movies, or ride bikes with you late into the night. It’s pretty pathetic to think that so many of my peers are lining up their resumes for a job like mine, when all I want to do is tell them to save themselves before they get caught in this mess. 

When did it become acceptable to sign away your life in the face of a prestigious career? All of us here chose this job for the money and the endless opportunities here to make more money. In our parents eyes, we have “done right.” We left good schools and got good jobs to help set up our life. But I can’t help thinking about the sacrifices we all intend to make for this “great opportunity.” As I pass each stage in my life, I can’t help but think how little I’ve chosen for myself. These good schools & good jobs are supposed to help you, but all I can think about is how it has hurt my ability to find myself and experience life outside of the demands of the office or classroom. For me, money no longer has the same sway as a fresh off-the-vine tomato, or a kiss stolen between lovers. Instead, money now represents freedom – the ability to have a life without a pressure-cooker environment. More importantly, it represents the freedom for me to have a life where I am in the driver’s seat. Until then, I am here – reminding myself that it has an end. I just have to save and sacrifice for it now. This is what keeps me going until then.

2 Responses to “Trying to regain my balance…”

  1. Money Maus Says:

    Good luck. Many people would love to be where you are right now. That is quite an accomplishment – however, many people might not realize the perspective you are gaining from it. Life is certainly an experience and you are definitely learning!

  2. GT Says:

    wow. Wow. I can’t believe it but you just voiced a lot of the feelings I’m experiencing now. I left a resort town that I hated ’cause to me it was full of stoners and had no museums, bookstores, or libraries. I left it to go to college in the big city. Wow, what a glorified sucker-punch of a life.
    There are times when I feel isolated and stressed just by living in an environment like this–honestly, it’s all about the rat race. Life seemed so simple when I only had to deal with family annoyances and the weather, when I could hit the beach free of charge anytime I wanted.
    I still have a boyfriend back there, and I hope to visit him soon, but what a revelation huh?

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